You know it when you experience it. Someone is listening to you. They may not say much but you know they are investing their time in you. Their occasional comments, prompts or interested questions make you feel valued. That your story, your unique experience is worth hearing.

As a young man living overseas it was a blessing to have an older, wise mentor. I would occasionally meet with him and share what was on my mind. An hour would pass and I realised afterwards that he had hardly said anything. I had maybe done 90-95% of the talking. Yet I always felt listened to and understood. You might say he had the gift of listening or counselling. The reality is it takes practice and mental effort to be a listener. Having good listeners in your life is something to be thankful for.

Instead of being present with someone my own agenda can dominate. I am listening more to the soundtrack of my own thoughts rather than their words. It may be I wish to express an opinion or make some statement. I am impatiently waiting for a break in the conversation to say it. Worse than this I may even be disengaged. I am thinking about something that has nothing to do with the conversation. Either way neither of us leave enriched by our conversation. The lights might be on but no one is at home.

My earliest memories to ’pay attention’ are from school. This would be the rallying cry when teachers would seek to bring order to a noisy classroom. Their desire for the class to focus would have varying success.

Recently I ’attended’ (pun intended!) an unusual type of concert. It was a brass orchestra where 7 newly graduated conductors were demonstrating their skills. Each conductor chose very different pieces to play and each had their own style. One thing in common was the attention all the musicians gave to whoever was leading them. Their unified focus on following the conductor’s timing and emphases gave life to the music.

We are constantly giving our attention to something. You may be reading this and thinking of something else! Ambushed by some other thoughts. The cost of ’paying’ attention is choosing to focus on one thing instead of another. Ideally I want to concentrate on what seems important and meaningful. Yet there are many things that steer me away from such a noble aim. Swapping good intentions with poorer alternatives. All that appears interesting and engaging may not be so. Herbert Simon explains well the dilemma for us who live in an age of hyper connectivity…

In an information-rich world, the wealth of information means a dearth of something else: a scarcity of whatever it is that information consumes. What information consumes is rather obvious: it consumes the attention of its recipients. Hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.

Herbert Simon, economist, political scientist and computer scientist

Who or what I choose to direct my attention to can be life enhancing. It shapes how I perceive the world around. It can change my mood, for better or worse. I might delight in the beauty of a sunset instead of mulling over the frustrations of the day. The smile of a baby in a pram may cause me to smile and enjoy the moment. The painter creates a palette of colours that delight the eye. Contemplating the vastness of the sea or the stars on a clear night can strangely soothe the mind. And yes, people are interesting.

”Turn my eyes away from vanity [all those worldly, meaningless things that distract—let Your priorities be mine], And restore me [with renewed energy] in Your ways.“ Psalm 119‬: verse 37‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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