Last spring I lived for a time in Gothenburg, Sweden. The city has an amazing harbour front of several km along the river Göta. An eclectic mixture of tastefully refurbished old industrial buildings and new world class architectural creations. One day on a walk along the north side of the river my wife and I came across a ’park bench’. As often is the case such benches have memorial plates to some loved one who has died. Not so this one. It was labelled ’Pratbänken’ which I would translate as ’chat bench’. If you think it would be nice to talk to someone the sign invites you to sit down. This signals to others you would like to talk..

Unfortunately in the short time I sat down nobody came! Despite this it struck me as an interesting idea. To get folks talking to others in the big, anonymous populations we call cities seems a worthy ambition.

In case you are struggling with what to say to a stranger the plaque goes on to give three tips as starters to a conversation. Broadly speaking they translate as….

1. What are you thinking about?
2. What makes you feel well?
3. Find three things you have in common.

Imagine if you or I were to have someone sit with us on a ’chat bench’. How might the conversation go? Bear in mind that the ’other’ may respond with their own insights! The dialogue, like most chats, may become messy. I need to listen.

What am I thinking? A conceit would be that my thoughts are lofty, taken up with spiritual things like the meaning of life. Or some other philosophical or lofty idea. Well, maybe sometimes, but really much of the time my head is filled with things that are mundane or bring stress. What shall I eat or drink or what shall I wear? Appointments to keep, emails, texts etc. The weather. What people think of me.

What makes me feel well? Enjoying health, gratitude for blessings, friendship, connection with people, being understood. The list may be long or short. Some things may be aspirational, a longing for what not yet is but could be. For life to be better.

Find three things in common? My guess is if there is any interaction on the first 2 questions there will already be ground for things in common.

Life in cities seem to conspire against bumping into strangers and chatting. Using a ’chat bench’ to share our thoughts and feelings sounds good. However maybe it is too much of a challenge for most. This seems paradoxical as you might think that the more people around, the more possibilities for interactions. Yet the ’other’ in the city can often seem more of an alien than in the countryside or village.

I find often, in the mountains or elsewhere in the great outdoors, strangers greet each other warmly. We may find the time not just to exchange pleasantries but relate how we are experiencing our environment. It is as if nature provides an unhurried backdrop allowing us to share something of our experiences that point in time. Of course all this can and does happen on the 6A bus to town or in a large supermarket. Yet in my experience it is more likely in nature than in the built, urban environment. The remoter the setting the friendlier and less harried people often seem to be.

*** https://elisabethgrantart.com

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